Nine years ago today...

....Iain and I went on our very first date. 

It was a blind date. We were set up by friends and had been talking on the phone for a few weeks before our schedules allowed for an in-person meeting.  The phone conversations were so much fun before we met (and after too.) They became fairly regular and came precisely at 8:50pm each night.  I had evening commitments with my youth ministry job and would get so tickled to come home to that dependable call. (I should have recognized the foreshadowing of what it would be like to be married to an engineer.)  He played it so cool -- but I could tell he was excited to talk to me too. 

The night of our big date, I happened to be house-sitting for one of our matchmaker friends, Belinda.  The doorbell rang and I casually sauntered to the door to greet him.  Cute.  Shorter than I imagined, but cute. I do remember he was wearing black boots.  Deep in the August heat and he wore boots.  I later found out that it gave him a little extra height. Ha.

I expected there to be awkwardness.  There wasn't.  It was like seeing an old friend who I'd really missed.  We chit-chatted for a bit and then made our way to his car.  Nice car. Clean too! And best of all he opened my car door....every single time I got in.  My friends all said that wouldn't last.  They were wrong.  He opened my door for me every time for nine years. He was a gentleman, indeed ~ as well as a gentle man.

He took me to eat at Italian Villa, which was a lovely upscale, cozy restaurant. And Italian!  How could he go wrong taking a Tartamella to an Italian restaurant.  Smart man.  When we walked into the restaurant, the Maitre D greeted me with, "Hey Maria!"  It was one of my former students.  I introduced him to Iain as he brought us to our table and lit our candle.  "Your waiter will be with you in a moment."

As the waiter made his way to our table he made eye contact with me. Once again, "Hey Maria!"  This guy was a family friend with whom I went to grade school.  After we chatted and placed our orders, Iain looked at me and said, "Are you running for mayor or something?" 

"Yeah. I kinda know a lot of people."  Little did he know just how many. I think the 500+ people at our wedding might have clued him in.  But he knew a lot of folks too.  And strangely we knew a lot of the same people - who once they saw us together invariably would say, "Why didn't WE think of setting y'all up! Y'all are the perfect match."  We were.  But that truth unfolded with time.

After our lovely dinner and great conversation, he asked if I'd like to go for a walk at the Civic Center.  We strolled along the boardwalk as the sun set and continued our wonderful conversations.  Getting to know him was effortless, delightful and exciting.  He took me back to the house where I was sitting, gave me a great hug and made a date for the next Monday, which was Labor Day.  After that, there was no turning back.  He won my heart.  He still has it.

* * * * * * * * * * *

And ANOTHER anniversary today has to do with our sweet daughter.  Today is the 3rd anniversary of Gianna's Baptism.  What a memorable day THAT was!!!  Iain's parents came in to meet Gianna and celebrate her baptism and arrived just in time to hear that there was a Hurricane Warning for SW Louisiana.  Yep.  That was Hurricane Gustave.  We didn't know what to do about the Christening plans since there was an evacuation plan in place and the storm was schedule to hit in two days.  Iain was being summoned to work later that afternoon to get locked in the plant and thank heavens he managed to schedule his parents flight out the next morning.

We went on with the baptism as planned and it was just surprisingly well attended. Three priests and about 40 people came to bless this long awaited baby. It was a beautiful and special ceremony that we felt so blessed to enjoy (even though we were exhausted from staying up the night before as we packed to evacuate a newborn, her momma and their dog.)  Things have never unfolded simply for our family.  EVER! 

Leaving Iain behind that day was one of the most mournful days of my marriage.  I was scared to death to drive to Arkansas by myself with my 8 week old and not know if I'd have a house or husband to come home to.  I sobbed as I drove all the way to Shreveport that night. It was the first time we were separated as a family during a time of crisis. Those feelings are very familiar to me now.

Happy Baptism Day, sweet Gianna! Mommy AND Daddy love you more than you will know.

Can you see her dimpled smile in the picture!

Joy of Jesus!

How do I even begin?

=

I've written about 17 posts (in my head in the middle of the night as I stare at the ceiling), but all my thoughts seems too raw or too trite.  I have so much I want to say - but I don't even know where to begin. This is my weak attempt at a beginning.

I cannot believe this is my life.  I cannot believe it's been two weeks since my husband died. (I cannot believe I just typed that sentence!)  It's the first time in nine years that I have gone more than a day without speaking to him.  Surreal is the only word I can come up with that describes my state of being and it seems so inadequate. 

I began this blog almost three years ago to document the 'ordinary and extraordinary moments of our lives.' I have, with few exceptions, blogged primarily for myself and my little family. The bonus was that people we knew (and some I met through the blogospher) could keep up with us.  I've used this blog to share pictures, stories, antecdotes, philosophies, ideas, recipes, videos, and well, just life.

Life has now changed.  I have such a need to be real and to share this experience of loss and tragedy in our lives and how it relates to my spiritual journey and my child.  I also have a need to blog about the regular, vanilla events that become woven into the fabric of our lives.  I want to continue to gush about our beautiful daughter and share all the joys and challenges of parenting her.  I want to share my pain and my questions and my heart.  I want to post crockpot recipes and craft ideas.  Does that all belong in the same place?  Who knows.  It will belong in this place. I have no idea what direction this blog will take...but I need to be authentic and continue to blog primarily for myself and my little family.

I know people are wanting to know how we are.  I'll begin be saying that we are surviving. We are functioning with relative normalcy (which is astounding to me) and at the same time we are just dipping our toes in this vast ocean called grief.  I'm fairly certain we're still numb - which is a little disconcerting and a little bit of a relief at the same time. As time passes and reality sets in -- I'm sure the intensity of our grief will increase.  I try not to think of that too often because I'm acutely aware that I am only able to handle what today brings:  "our daily bread."

Someone asked if there are good days and bad days.  For me, the answer is "no." Not now, anyway.  Everyday there is joy and laughter (thank you God for the radiant light of Gianna!). Every day there is intense sadness.  Every day there is peace.  Every day there is discontent and restlessness.  Every day there is hope. Every day there are fears. Every day there are unexpected meltdowns (from both of us.) As you can tell, my days are full --- and empty at the same time.  What a bizarre place to be.  I will tell you this:  we are riding on the wings of prayer and love and amazing support.  Our lives are forever changed...but they are not over.

Please be patient with me.  Please be understanding and accepting of my unique place in life.  Please remind me to do the same. Please cover us in prayer. Please.

Obituary

 

Iain Fitzgerald Lewis, 40, of Moss Bluff, LA passed away from this life Saturday, August 13, 2011 in his residence.

Iain was born in Jinotepe, Nicaragua on April 5, 1971.  He moved to the United States with his family in 1978 and lived in Florida , Colorado and Kansas until he graduated from North West High School in Wichita, Kansas .  He began college at the University of Kansas and achieved his chemical engineering degree in only 3 and a half years.

After working in Houston for a short time he made his way to Lake Charles , LA where he had a long career at BioLab, Inc.  For the last five years he has been a devoted and revered employee at PPG.

  

Those left to cherish his memory are his beloved wife of seven years, Maria Tartamella Lewis and his beautiful three year old daughter, Gianna Elyse Lewis of Moss Bluff; his parents, Dr. Soledad and Dr. Gerald Lewis of Bonner Springs, KS; a sister, Geraldine Lewis and Anthony Salvato of Bonner Springs, KS; two brothers, Dr. Robert Lewis and his wife Angelique of Tampa, FL and Gerald Lewis, Jr. and wife Lesbia of Jinotepe, Nicaragua; a niece, Madeleine Lewis of Tampa, FL; two nephews, Stephen Lewis of Bonner Springs, KS and Duilio Lewis of Jinotepe, Nicaragua; mother and father-in-law, Angel and Frank Tartamella of Lake Charles; and a brother-in-law, Vinnie Tartamella of Lake Charles.

 

Iain will be remembered for his brilliant mind, kind nature, gentle spirit, loyal friendships, hilarious sense of humor, encouraging words, strong devotion to his family and his deep love for his wife and daughter.  His memory will be cherished and his presence will be missed beyond measure.

A funeral mass will be held at 11:00 AM on Thursday, August 18, 2011 in Our Lady Queen of Heaven Catholic Church.  Monsignor Daniel Torres will officiate.  Fr. Wayne LeBleu, Fr. Whitney Miller, and Monsignor Charles Dubois will concelebrate.  Burial will be in Consolata Cemetery under the direction of Johnson Funeral Home.  Visitation will be held on Wednesday from 11:00 AM until 9:00 PM.  A rosary will be held at 3:00 PM and a scripture service will be held at 7:00 PM.  Visitation will continue on Thursday from 8:00 AM until 10:45 AM.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Abrazando Cristo Mission Program to Nicaragua, 414 Iris St., Lake Charles, LA 70601; or to New Life Counseling, 631 E. School St., Lake Charles , LA 70607 .

Words of comfort to the family may be expressed at www.johnsonfuneralhome.net.

Tragedy

Yesterday tragedy hit Lewis Land.

My precious husband and father of our sweet baby girl - died.

We are broken.

We beg for your prayers.